Making Friends in Adulthood: Why It’s Hard + How to Actually Do It 🎆

My hair’s a bit of a mess, my coffee is reheated for the umpteenth time, and I’m currently living in a rotating combo of running shorts, tank tops, and sweats. Life is good.

Sometimes I pause and think—wow, I’m 27, a stay-at-home mom to my 6-month-old baby girl, five years married to my best friend, and somehow, I’ve also become a blogger? If 18-year-old Jade could see me now… thriving in the chaos and beauty of adulthood.

I saw this meme the other day that said: “When you’re looking for another adult that’s adultier than you, who is also, an adult.” That pretty much sums up how I feel some days. I’ve never been much of a “just wing it” person, but lately, the days blur together and it’s a small win if my hair cooperates and I have mascara on.

Adulthood has been a wild ride to figure out. But I’d say I’ve done a pretty dang good job learning how to manage life (thank God), especially before having a child. Between grocery shopping for actual healthy food, semi-consistent meal prepping, running errands, working on my emotional and mental health, and getting to bed at a decent time (most nights), I think we all deserve a slow clap for showing up.

But let’s talk about a hot topic that’s been buzzing in my mind lately: Adult friendships.

At first, I laughed at the phrase. Like… what even is an adult friendship? It honestly sounded kind of inappropriate. But nope—it’s a real thing. And what made it more real for me was having a new baby and moving again for the fifth (or sixth?) time. Now that we’re back in our home-ish state, our close friend count has dwindled down to one hand—which is kind of shocking if you know us.

We’ve always been the friendly type—somewhere between introverts and extroverts. We recharge with quiet time, but we love good people. And recently, it felt like all our friendships were being redirected and reconstructed. Like we’re starting fresh. It’s made me really think about what friendship means to me now. And after a few late-night convos with my husband, I realized: this is blog-worthy.

So here are the top traits I think make for strong, soul-filling adult friendships:

Be Authentically You (Messy Bun and All) 💯

Number one: Be YOU. Easier said than done, right? I’ve struggled with this off and on for years. But I’ve come to learn there’s a certain maturity in showing up fully as yourself—the unfiltered version in sweats, no makeup, messy bun Jade. And honestly? Authenticity builds trust. If you’re gonna be in my home, near my daughter, and around our family, I need to know you’re real.
Newsflash: fake friends are a waste of time. (Somebody go tell 17-year-old me that.)

Find Your People (Vibes & Values Matter) 👯

We naturally want to connect with people who get us. Who like the same things, share the same values, or at least vibe in the same direction. It’s kind of like dating. I’m a foodie, so having foodie friends? A plus. But more important than food—our values.
My husband and I don’t do drama, gossip, or chronic complaining. So if that’s your jam, we probably won’t hang often. Harsh? Maybe. But protecting your peace is adulting 101.

Be Intentional (A.K.A. Stop Ghosting People) 👻

This one has hit me hard this past year. Friendship is a two-way street. Have you ever been the one always initiating plans, texting first, or checking in? It’s draining—and starts to feel like you’re the clingy friend. (Hi, triple texter here 👋)

These days, I am SO grateful for friends who actually reach out, plan something, or just send a quick “Thinking of you” message. It makes such a difference. Even a small check-in means a lot. And please—reply. We’re all busy, but replying is a choice (grace given to fellow new parents). Let’s say 1-2 days max, yeah?

Spot the Red Flags (And Don’t Ignore Them!) 🔴

Let’s normalize friendship breakups. Seriously. If you’re not jelling with someone—don’t force it.
If they cancel plans three or four times? Lower your expectations. If they act like a totally different person by the second hangout? Remember rule #1: authenticity matters. Life’s too short for weird vibes and flaky energy.

Be a Giver, Not Just a Taker 🤲🏻

Let’s talk energy exchange. Are you adding to the relationship, or just taking? I’ve been learning to give more—whether that’s a kind word, a coffee, or helpful advice where I have fruit. Friendship should never feel transactional. It’s about investing in each other, not just reaching out when you need something.

Get Curious (Ask the Good Questions) ❔

We’re relational by design. That’s why it hurts so much to feel lonely or disconnected. When you’re building a new friendship, don’t be afraid to get curious. Ask thoughtful questions. Be more interested than interesting.

Need help? Play a little game of 20 questions—not just the “Where are you from?” stuff, but things that help you understand who they are. You don’t need to dive into politics or religion right away, but don’t shy away from the deeper stuff either.
One thing I like to do? Breadcrumbing. I’ll casually share a belief or value and see how it lands. Do they engage? Avoid it? That tells me a lot about how we might connect.

So… do these tips actually work?

From wondering if my husband and I would ever find “our people” again to now having at least four amazing gals I text, call, and laugh with regularly—it’s been one of the biggest blessings this season.

Let me know what you think of this week’s post! Have you tried any of these? Have tips of your own to add? Drop them below or DM me on Insta —I’d love to hear.

And hey, if you’re looking for a new friend… I’m a pretty cool one (if I do say so myself). 😉 Let’s connect!

I hope this post inspired you or at least made you laugh a little! If you liked it and want to read more content, subscribe for updates on my next post! (Don’t worry, no spamming from me – just an update!)

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